sex education

every time i read about the importance of sex education for teens and young adults, i sincerely feel that showing diagrams and organising special lectures about birds and bees is futile. the health ministry should recruit undercover sex gurus, train them and send them off to small towns of the country, with a special assignment: talk to those young boys and girls about sex. that is the only way those people can learn, because the only reliable (?) source of information on this tricky subject is that boy/girl in your class who knew everything about sex. that boy/girl has never seen a member of the opposite sex naked, except of course on screen, thanks to midnight lover VHS tape, courtesy batra video library, the 'scene' portion refusing to play properly, as it has been rewound and played on slo mo a million times before. so, basically the real teachers of sex education in every town and village are those young boys and girls who have that smug aura of 'i know, wink wink'. if only the government can replace these wiseasses, (is there a word like that, wiseasses? huh!!), with trained professionals, cleverly disguised as average school boys and girls, we wouldn't have so many messed up sexual lives today. it is never too late to implement the plan, though.

take a look at these wonderful gems i picked up from my school and subhash nagar:

1. jab aapke mummy papa karte hain, aapke papa ke uska ek tudka andar rah jaata hai, wohi tudka bada hoke bachha ban jata hai.

mackey manchanda, XI C, DAV School, Sept.1994

translation: when the parents have sexual intercourse, a small piece of the father's penis remains inside the mother's vagina. that piece slowly develops in to a baby.

2. oral sex ka matlab hota hai sex ke baare mein baatein karna.

kapila ahuja, X, DAV School, August 1993

translation: oral sex means talking about sex.

3. zyada mutth maarne se bachhe paida nahin hote.

gaurav rana, VIII, DAV School, March 1991

translation: excessive masturbation leads to impotency.

4. jis ladki ki seal na tooti ho, uske saath sex karne se aadmi hamesha jawaan rehta hai.

gaurav khurana, Subhash nagar, 1993

translation: sexual intercourse with virgins ensures permanent youth.

and now, my personal favourite. kamal hans, XI, DAV School, 1994. we were in the school library, discussing about the difference in shapes and sizes of our privates parts and i said, 'bechari ladkiyan, unke paas apni jaisi cheez nahin hoti'. which means, poor girls, i mean, how can anyone live without a penis? please read carefully what he had to say:
5. ladkiyon ke paas bhi hota hai, unka andar ki taraf hota hai, bahut chhota hota hai, dikhai bhi nahin deta, lekin hota hai
translation: girls also have penis, it is on the inside, it is very small, it can't be seen, but they have it.
imagine this, a 21 year old, his first sexual encounter and all he is looking for is the girl's penis. just because he happened to be in the same library, where kamal hans was sharing his knowledge.
Oh, the popular ones in schools and colleges, please DO NOT talk about these things unless you can back it with parivaar niyojan pamphlets.